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  • Sarah

Stop "Shoulding" on Yourself and Stop Listening to the "Shoulders"!

Listen, I "should" on myself all the time. I know I shouldn't, but I do. Right now I'm thinking I should have my website up and running by now, I should prepare properly for my podcasts, I should have income coming in. And god damn it, people should all over me - Sarah, you should have a better car, you should live in a better area, you should get married. And I'm bloody well sure they "should" on you as well. In fact society "shoulds" on us all! You "should" buy a house, you "should" get married and have children", you "should" go to University, you "should" take that corporate job. ENOUGH OF THE SHOULDING!

I heard of this "shoulding" from Catherine Morgan when I was doing the Financial Coaching course. She said it sounded like swearing and I guess it does. But now I'm aware of it, I realise how much of this "shoulding" goes on in our every day lives. Just because society tells you that something should be a certain way or you should behave in a certain way, doesn't mean that it's right. It's just what they've grown up to believe, what they think is "normal". Like, why should we get married and have children? There's no reason we should do this? We should choose our own path that makes us happy and is in line with who we are. As you know I have children, but I don't think everyone should. I don't think anyone should do anything that isn't their true calling. I admire those who just up and leave their successful corporate job to start a life in an unknown country doing something they love. I think that's what life is about. Doing that which is true to yourself, whatever that may be. And I think too many people live a life that isn't true to themselves just because of what they think they "should" be doing or what society thinks they "should" do.

I know I should on myself but I've learned not to listen to those that should on me. And I'm so glad I don't. I was asked many times when I was going to get a new car or move house and I started to actually think there was an urgency around moving. There are benefits to moving to a larger house and yeah it would be great for the boys to have their own room and for me to have my own office to work from. I live in a 3 bedroom mid-terraced house right now and the third bedroom is a box room. I mean the area is by no means "wealthy" but my neighbours don't give me any bother, we can walk to the boys school and our expenses are manageable. I feel very lucky. We have a house and we will be OK in these crazy times where inflation is increasing and fuel and gas/electricity prices are rocketing.

If I had listened to those who said I should move house then my expenses wouldn't be so manageable and I would be under so much more pressure financially. As for my car, it may be 11 years old but it is doing just fine and getting a new car will not make me any happier and as for the image I'm giving off, why should I be judged on materialistic things? I know people do but buying a new car is not in line with my values - I would rather spend the money on self improvement or research and tools that will help my business. And that is just me and my values. My point here is that everyone has their own values and goals and life ambitions. I think a lot of people don't pursue them because of how loud the "shoulding" is from others and from society. It takes a lot of courage to stay true to yourself and live the life you want to lead, especially when that goes against what others have been telling you you "should" do or "should" be. If you stopped listening to the "shoulders" and stopped "shoulding" on yourself, what would you do? What sort of life would you create? How would that make you feel? What would you be saying to yourself? What would you be seeing? What would you be hearing? How liberating would that be?

I'm only at the start of my journey of creating the life that is true to myself and my values and I hope you will join me and start to create a life which is true to your unique self and which will make you feel free, happy and relaxed. Until next time!

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